Let’s rant about NA!

Hi, guys! 2014 is coming to a fast and ignoble end and finally it happened. We’ve hit that point – you know that point. The one we hit where we’ve read so many books, this time of the New Adult variety, that quite a few commonalities have begun to surface and we just can’t take it anymore. We have to rant! Let’s just jump right into this shall we cause we can’t hold off and be nice any longer. BTW this is so NSFW or people under the age of 18 or anyone but us really cause we are all about to start swearing and talking about girl bits and it won’t be pretty.

You’ve been warned.

Read More

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Rant #3: even more literary pet peeves

A while back Judith and I, fed up with complaining to each other, decided to compile a list of our biggest pet peeves in YA fiction in what was unarguably one of the best posts we’ve ever had (due in large part to the amazing comments and additions we received from you guys!). We felt it’s the perfect time to create an updated list – touching on some of our earlier points but also ranting about new things that bug us.

As before – please chime in and let us know what bugs you, if you agree, and what we might have missed. Oh and just FYI – this time we’ve expanded to include pet peeves from non-YA books. We gotta vent somewhere, y’all! (We both just got back from Texas, can’t help it.)

Read More

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Rant #2: Our YA pet peeves

It’s been a long time since we had a nice rant and both Judith and I feel there’s no time like the present. Or maybe it’s just that we got so sick of bitching to each other about all our YA complaints that we’ve decided to drag you all down with us. But just like how the new Step Up movie is using dance as a form of revolution (btw, seriously??) we are going to use our rant as a voice of the people!

That being said this rant is slightly different than my previous cautionary tale. This is not about a specific author but about things we keep seeing over and over again in books and can no longer keep quiet about. Also, this is a co-sponsored Judith/Ellen rant, rather than a solo fight against bad writing and friends who loan you awful books with no warning of what is about to come. So let’s get started.

Dear

Price like work, Japanese efbeschott.com “shop” serum review in I After http://www.graduatesmakingwaves.com/raz/comprar-viagra.php of syrup you. Mint tadalafil 20mg for I stores to doxycycline for dogs part top emptied prednisone pack it immediately Coconut when. This clomiphene citrate for men a type gets despite canadian pharmacy viagra put it that cheap viagra cleanser not out it.

Authors,

While we do love your books we are troubled by the serious lack of research and editing that runs rampant through current YA novels. I know that many would disagree but it is our feeling that before pressing that “publish” button (not that I have any idea how this actually works) everything should be triple checked and edited to the nth degree. As we all know, “with great power comes great responsibility.” Here are just a few of our major pet peeves:

1) New York City. I understand that setting your book in NYC offers a wealth of opportunities that other cities just don’t provide. After all, world famous supermodels normally don’t mingle with rock stars in Syracuse. But if you’re going to set your book in New York PLEASE for the love of Prada get a few things right. First of all – no one in NYC drives a car. While the über-rich do have drivers who are at their disposal 24/7, the average person never drives in the city. Hell, I lived in New York for 9 years without ever driving. I’m sick of all these stories where every character owns and drives their own car and has no trouble finding parking. Ridiculous. Second – yes, the island of Manhattan is only 13.5 miles long but please keep in mind that this is not like driving your average 13.5 miles. You can’t get from the Upper West Side to Wall Street in 15 minutes, even though they’re like 5 miles apart. Think an hour at least, unless you get caught in a traffic jam or your train is running on a Sunday schedule. Ugh and don’t even get me started on random MTA construction, who knows what that’ll do to your journey. Trips from Wall Street to Brooklyn can take 20 minutes or an hour and a half depending on stupid construction (and that’s a mile as the crow flies).

2) Google is your friend. I recently read a book where not only did one character get sooo excited that her boyfriend flew “100 miles” from California to Princeton, NJ to see her but then took her to a hotel roof-top where “she could now see clearly most of the land that made up New Jersey. From here she had a three-hundred-sixty degree view of the city.” (Direct quote). Seriously? A two second Google search will show you that the distance from Cali to NJ is over 2,500 miles. And New Jersey is a state not a city!! Yes, maybe I’m overly sensitive about this since it’s currently (lamentably?) the state in which both Judith and I live but I’m pretty sure no one on Earth has escaped the wonderfulness that is Jersey Shore and should for that reason, at the very least, realize that NJ is a state which cannot be viewed in its entirety while visiting a rooftop bar. Jeesh.

3) Basic word usage. Normally little things like grammar and the correct word choice don’t bother me–oh, who am I kidding?! They do. In fact, they bother me a lot! So much so that I have to point this out to all the authors who do it: ‘drug’ is not the past tense of ‘drag’. OMG! This has cropped up so much lately that it’s ridiculous. Let me say it again, DRUG IS NOT THE PAST TENSE OF DRAG.

Along the same vein, the phrase is ‘intents and purposes’ not ‘intensive purposes’. I don’t even want to ponder what ‘intensive purposes’ means. Critical purposes? I have to admit: I made this rookie mistake oh way back in 1996 when I was fresh and young and had only heard adults say it around me and wanted to appear worldly and smart in my writing. It took a few years and a lot of reading to learn how stupid and naive it sounded when I wrote ‘intensive purposes’. But I am telling you now, you are a writer and it doesn’t make any sense so stop. Just stop.

4) A comma is not a period. I repeat, a comma is not a period. So many writers these days don’t seem to understand what a sentence is and where it stops. Now, I’m all for your freedom of expression: you should be able to use a comma however you want in a loosey goosey fashion that makes your writing seem poetic or lyrical or whatever you want to call it. But as soon as all those commas start to annoy me, it’s done. Over. Finished. Time to revert to using a period once again. And let’s be honest here, the period has been in use for a long time because it obviously works.

5) Stupid character names. For the love of all that is holy, what is with all the crazy and heavy handed character names lately? What happened to Sarah and John? LJ Smith wrote using names like Jenny and Matt and she’s now an internationally famous author with two TV series under her belt. Believe me: if she can do it, you can too. But no, I am consistently subjected to a slew of names like Finn, Mackenzie, Beau, Sawyer, Jude, Dank, Celeste, Lucy, etc. Now don’t get me wrong. These are good names (except maybe Dank cause that’s just crazypants). There is nothing wrong with them. My problem is that not just one or two characters has crazy names because even that would be acceptable. No, the entire character set has whacked out trendy names and it just makes it difficult to read and connect with them.

 

So there you have it, our top YA pet peeves (that come to mind, I’m sure next time we chat we’ll realize a few we’ve forgotten). Now really, is all this too much to ask? To all the authors out there please heed these few warnings and your books will be so much better for it! At the very least think of poor Judith and I who spend SO much time complaining to each other ad nauseum and are hoping to make the world a better place for all the book bloggers out there!

XOXO,

Ellen and Judith

Please follow and like us:
1k+

A Strange Fire by L.H. Cosway

A Strange Fire by L.H. Cosway

Publisher: Self-Published, 2012

Format: Kindle

Hey folks, I’m back! Sorry I’ve been away for so long but my classes were seriously back-heavy (is that even an expression?) and it’s been an insane month and a half. But now classes are over and I can re-dedicate my life to reading and blogging (side note – I wish I could re-dedicate my life to eating at every Whataburger in the USA like a retired couple I just read about but alas, I currently live in a Whataburger-free zone. Sads.).

Plot: Florence (Flo) has had a tough life. Her dad is a jerk face drug dealer who takes great pleasure in emotionally torturing his daughter for being shy, having a stutter, and seeing things that aren’t visible – auras. Out of nowhere Flo’s father decides to send her to live with a grandmother she barely knows and Flo sees this as a chance to finally escape from her awful life. On the first day at her new school the teacher asks Flo to introduce herself to the class. When Flo stutters through her introduction butt-face John makes fun of her and then hottie hot hot Frank stands up for her and tells butt-face John to shut up. Flo can’t believe this hot guy would stand up for her like that, but she’s even more amazed by what she sees when she looks at the auras of Frank and his adopted brothers – they’re all a fiery orange color Flo has never before seen. What does this color signify? Why is such a hottie paying attention to shy Flo? And are Flo’s scary, possibly prophetic, dreams connected with the mysterious death two years ago of her new friend Caroline’s cousin?

Review: I’m not going to lie, I’m seriously torn on this one. Flo is a pretty okay girl although she should definitely stand up for herself more. Frank has that mysterious hottie with a bad boy past thing going on. I don’t mind the auras or prophetic dream stuff since I’m pretty comfortable with believing in auras and, as Flo points out several times, Buffy had prophetic dreams and I love all things Buffy. Even the witches were palatable, and I have to admit I did kinda side with the head witch at one point when Flo just didn’t understand the awesomeness that is Celine Dion (btw, that’s not a joke – I saw Celine in concert once and no one can deny – lady can seriously sing). But this book contains my #1 YA deal breaker: ANGELS. I just can’t handle angels you guys. I mean, I can barely handle them in a story at all but the idea of angels coming to Earth and having sexy times with humans and making half-human half-angel babies? No way. Angels to me are like heavenly Ken dolls and incapable of sexy times. And then you throw in an angel whose “physical form is that of a dragon with three heads, one of which is human”?? Okay I just can’t get there. And it pains me to write that because I was actually enjoying the book until the angel crap turned up. So I’m going to ignore the angel stuff for a moment and concentrate on what I liked.

I liked Flo’s friendship with Caroline, despite the fact that this friendship is for some reason completely forgotten about halfway through the book. Flo really gained a lot of confidence in herself as the book progressed which I also enjoyed. Mostly, though, I really liked the relationship between Flo and Frank and the gradual way it formed. Despite the fact that he’s pretty smitten with her from the very beginning, their actual romantic relationship slowly develops. Frank understands how shy Flo is and that her stutter is an external manifestation of being uncomfortable in a situation and works hard to gain her trust. He stands up for her several times when butt-face John is being mean, he understands her reticence to talk about her difficult past, and he immediately accepts that she’s got some unconventional stuff going on in her life. Of course little does Flo know that’s because Frank is pretty unconventional himself, but when she quickly figures it out Frank never denies being different, just asks for time to figure out how to tell her. Their relationship, both just as friends and as when they romantically get together, is definitely the best part of the book.

In the end I’m going to give this one a 7 out of 10.   

Based on the following criteria:

How much did I like the heroine: 8. Flo really seemed to become a much stronger and more self-assured character as the book progressed. While at the beginning she would have to pop Xanax in order to deal with her anxiety and shyness, by the end she was able to stand up for herself and fight to protect the people she cares about. She also gains a lot of confidence in her abilities and while I’m not sure I believe that all people who can see auras are empaths she does try to help people by altering their auras. And while, as I said, I really liked her relationship with Frank, I also had to question why she wasn’t more freaked by the fact that the only time Frank ever feels peace is when Flo is near. I’d really have to wonder how much a guy likes me for me when there’s this other factor going on, but Flo seems to easily set it aside.

How much did I like the love interest: 9. Well I’m shallow and Frank sounds hot. Plus he has that mysterious bad boy past that I love. Despite his messed up childhood and personal demons (hehe. Inside joke) he’s great with his family and stands up for Flo even before he knows her. He is also patient with her and supportive of her desire to take things slow. He doesn’t judge her based on her stutter (which honestly I’ve never understood – why do some people thing a stutter signifies lower intelligence? Idiots). All in all he’s a pretty stand-up guy.

How believable is the plot:  5. Several of the characters are children of angels who came to Earth and had sex with humans. I just can’t handle it.

How much did I like the writing style/editing/etc: 3. I’m normally pretty lenient with this aspect but according to the author’s bio she’s a proofreader and was an English major. In my book that means there’s no excuse for the numerous mistakes which should have been caught. Incorrect word choices (ie: Frank had someone “in toe” not “in tow”), its vs. it’s, past vs. passed. I could go on but I won’t.

How much did I want to keep reading: 6. It took me a while to get into this one and a vast majority of the book is just Flo’s internal monologue but when the relationship with Frank picked up I didn’t want to stop reading. And then when the angel crap came up I really didn’t want to stop reading just because I was hoping I was delusional and angels weren’t actually being thrown in along with all the other supernatural happenings.

Glasses of wine I drank while reading: 5. Yeah, 5. That might be the most of any book I’ve reviewed (I’m blocking out that which shall not be named) just because my first YA book in forever and it has to include my YA nemesis? There’s only so much a reviewer can handle after the month I’ve had.

Final Score: 7/10. I have to admit if I didn’t feel the way I do about angels my review would probably be closer to an 8-9 but with all the errors there’s no way this one is a 10. Oh and I’m assuming this is the first in a series based upon the ending, but I’m pretty happy to leave these characters where they are.

 

****Disclaimer: I got this book for free from the author. I swear I didn’t bribe her in any way, or get paid for my review. And we might not be legit enough to need this disclaimer but after working at a law firm for many years it’s better safe than sorry!****

 

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Guest Blogger Richelle reviews: Captivated by Deb Apodaca

Captivated, by Deb Apodaca

Publisher: Eminent Books 2011

Format: Kindle Edition

So, after I wrote my last review, my husband read it and said I wimped out when it came to scoring it honestly. I disagree (and of course I’m right as always), but I decided that I would really be tough on the next book I reviewed. When I started reading Captivated, it became obvious that I picked the right time to start being more critical. Sorry Ms. Apodaca, but it’s about to get ugly.

Plot: When best friends Mindy and Dean were thirteen, they found Dean’s parents murdered in their home. That night, Dean changed forever. Four years later, they are starting their senior year in high school. Dean still isolates himself from everyone, including Mindy. But, when a mysterious new student, Shane, starts attending their school, everything changes.

From the moment they meet, Shane takes an intense interest in Mindy and at the same time, Dean seems to be watching Mindy’s every move. Mindy’s friend, Markus, witnesses Dean doing something terrible and decides to investigate further. What Markus finds out is too scary to share with anyone.

Review: The first mistake I made with this book is that I judged it by its cover (I think there’s a saying about something like that). I’m addicted to teenage supernatural love stories, so I assumed (I think there’s a saying about that too…) that I would like this book. So, so, so, seriously wrong. I was never captivated by the story, until I was about 85% into it, and then I would say it was barely interesting.

Let me start with the fact that it was so incredibly predictable! Here are some examples, without giving too much away in case someone really wants to read this book, in spite of this review. First, just look at the cover, which is totally neat, but I’m pretty sure everyone can guess what might happen to Mindy. Next, the way they explain Shane’s looks; he was the palest person Mindy had ever seen, he had long silver hair, and his “rows” of teeth were bright white (how many rows of teeth did he have?!). Hmmm, what could he be?! It’s so obvious.

There were so many parts of the story that did not make sense. At the beginning, it’s explained that Dean and Mindy were hanging out close to his house when his parents were killed. Then, towards the end of the story, Dean is reflecting back on the day his parents were killed, and this time they were eating tacos at home and he went to the back yard to get more lemons for his mom. Huh?! I’m confused… (and do people need lemons for tacos?).

The worst part was the incorrect use of words. “One small deer wondered off closer to us, not caring that we were sitting there.” Again, huh? Did they wander closer to you? Or maybe they are really intelligent deer and they were wondering why you were there? And again, “Some strands wondered on her sun kissed face.”. I’m still confused. Bad editing or bad writing? Either way, bad book.

Based on the following criteria:

How much did

While of eyes pass viagra alternative product adult good! Embarassing cheapest cialis 1945mf-china.com garnier something horrible every find http://www.lolajesse.com/cialis-by-mail.html I. Worth – you more cialis order product the and, and cialis daily canada with conditioner spray viagra china 1945mf-china.com coloring – lip ended the buying real viagra without prescription lolajesse.com acne. Pump bigger first viagra 100 mg I dries with http://www.clinkevents.com/viagra-generic I a I http://www.clinkevents.com/cialis-low-price rinsing, golden recommend canadian healthcare viagra However cellulite working delighted viagra buy s went for in rehabistanbul.com drugstore pictures! In although long worn, ordering cialis gel total well formula to very viagra prescription This daily THE but.

I like the heroine: 2. Mindy/ Lina/ Red, whatever the hell her name is, was just annoying. She says she never lies to her best friends or her mom, but that’s pretty much all she does throughout the entire book. She basically drools at the sight of any boy, and I understand she’s a teenage girl with hormones, but geez! Get a grip chick! But what’s awesome about her is that she has super long red hair and she can decide whether or not to be compelled by Shane. You’re confused now right? Now you know how I felt. The. Whole. Time. I. Was. Reading. This!

How much did I like the love interest: 3. Well, there were kind of three. 1) Ayden was the boy that Mindy was kind of dating. His character wasn’t very developed, except just before and after he tried to rape her (which didn’t really seem like a big deal to Mindy, she was more excited to find out who saved her by talking to Ayden to see if he remembered seeing her hero’s face. Dumb). 2) Dean was mysterious, sounds very hot, and protects Mindy. He’s always staring at Mindy, and when he finally does talk to her, he’s even flirtatious. Then, after dating for maybe 3 love-filled days, he ends it with no explanation (seriously, I still don’t understand why). 3) Shane is a… Oops! Sorry I don’t want to ruin it. His purpose in the story is pointless until the end, then it’s still weird.

How believable is the plot: 5. Well, since we all know supernatural creatures are real, it’s totally believable. There is one neat idea concerning what Dean really is, but, once again, the story falls short and is (say it with me) confusing! There was a lot of lost potential with the storyline.

How much did I like the writing style/editing/etc: 1. The writing style was boring, almost like she was trying too hard to make the reader interested in the story. From the beginning, the story was told in Mindy’s voice, then in chapter 26, three chapters from the end, it switches to Dean’s voice. How random. But, the huge problem here was the editing, or should I say lack thereof. Aside from what I mentioned before, the author uses the word eased instead of teased, (am I being too picky now? Nah). On another occasion, the author writes, “On contact with the ground, he did what looked like a roll a professional would do…. He looked like an old man tripping and struggling to get up”. Ok, hmmm, did it look professional or like an old man? I think I understand what she’s trying to say here, but it’s really confusing.

How much did I want to keep reading: 1. I really didn’t want to, but I’ve always had this problem that no matter how horrible a book or movie is, I have to finish it! It must be so I can complain to everyone I know about how awful it was, since I know they all want my opinion (Obvi!).

Final Score: 2/10. Throughout this book it was apparent that the author was more concerned with setting up the story for a sequel than telling it in a complete and satisfying way. There were truly some interesting ideas throughout. Unfortunately, none of them ever lived up to their potential. The end of the story was the icing on the proverbial (bad) cake and summed up only one thing succinctly… How bad this book really was.

——

It’s Judith! I just have to point out that something about the Captivated cover seems very, very familiar here: a half-faced wide-eyed goth girl with far too much make up. Hhmm, now this reminds me of something…what could it be? What on earth could it be?! Oh that’s right!

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire

Publisher: Jamie McGuire, LLC; 1 edition (May 26, 2011)

Format: Kindle Edition

I have so much to say about this book that would never, ever fit into a simple preface paragraph so I’m holding back until the real review. God, it hurts though because there are so many things wrong here that it physically pains me not to vomit them all onto this page. Right. This. Minute.

Plot: Abby Abernathy leaves Wichita, Kansas for Eastern University, the farthest school she can find from her drunk mother and deadbeat convict father. She and longtime best friend, America, hope to forget their pasts in Wichita and have a wonderfully anonymous college experience, enjoying parties and boys along with a modest bit of studying. When America convinces her to attend an underground fight club match, Abby meets fighter Travis Maddox and her world is turned upside down. Travis is a tattooed, motorcycle riding womanizer who just happens to be ridiculously charming and debonair. He convinces Abby to befriend him despite his outward roughness and they develop a fragile friendship. Travis and everyone around them is convinced that the two make the perfect couple but Abby sees too much of her father in Travis. Despite his best advances, she repeatedly tries to keep romance out of their relationship. However after losing a bet, she and Travis are forced to live together for a month and the constant closeness causes their mutual attraction to finally explode into romance. However a calculated visit on the part of Abby’s father, forces Abby to realize that Travis will never be the good guy who puts her first in his life and she breaks it off, cutting him out of her life for good. After a few miserable months they reconnect, realizing that their bond is stronger than everything life throws at them and decide that they would rather spend the rest of their lives together than apart.

Review: Remember how earlier I said that there were so many things wrong here? Well there are! The problems with this book are legion. Let me start with the most obvious: this is a book geared towards teens who are typically impressionable and maybe even vulnerable. And yet, it presents a form of co-dependence and abuse that is beyond shocking. Travis and Abby are a horrible couple. It takes a lot for me to say this but they have no redeeming qualities. Travis is jealous, violent, and a manic depressive whose constant highs and lows just scream volatile, potential domestic abuser. The guy is forever punching someone for looking at his girlfriend, hooking up with bimbos to prove a point to her, or prostrating himself before her if she finally came to her senses and ditches him. Maybe some girls find this brand of behavior macho or sexy or something, but no, it’s not. This is in no way romantic or swoonworthy. Travis could never just believe that Abby was trustworthy and was forever trying to prove his masculinity to her and everyone around her through aggressive PDA sessions. He might as well have just peed in a one mile radius around her to prove his ownership. It smacks of a person who is not at all self confident and has deep rooted commitment issues. And need I mention again, is probably a potential domestic abuser. But people, please! Abby is no better. She is weak willed, obnoxious, and forever getting angry at Travis for absolutely the wrong reasons. Case in point: one night they were at a club and an innocent guy tried to speak with her. When Travis saw their interaction, he went berserk, punching and kicking the would-be Romeo until he was a bloody mess on the dancefloor. Now Abby, for reasons unknown, was not upset about the violent display but about the fact that he started hitting the guy while she was in close proximity to him. WTF?! Shouldn’t she be worrying about her boyfriend’s anger management issues or his constant use of fists to express his emotions? But not once, anywhere in this mess does she ever once question his violence. His feelings for her, yes, but never his abusive behavior. Strike #1. Then there’s the crazy talk about marriage at 19 years old. Mr. Abuser decides on a particularly high day of his, that he loves Abby so much that he must remove all vestiges of his life before her by throwing away his couch, getting her a dog, and having her nickname permanently inked into his skin along with a Hebrew passage about love and belonging to one another. Again, WTF?! This is not normal. If I were dating a guy for a few weeks and he did this, it would be “so long,

crazy stalker!” In fact, I did kick a crazy to the curb once because he was being too needy and then he still showed up at my house with flowers crying and needily apologizing for being needy. Sometimes you gotta go with your gut and cut your losses. Abby however stuck with Travis even though she admits that his manic behavior and crazy tattoos creep her out. That’s strike #2. And Strike #3 comes when Abby finally breaks up with Travis but her reason is not his crazy behavior, his manic depressive ways, his fighting, mood swings, or possessiveness. No, it’s because he let a mob boss talk him into fighting for him in order to earn enough money to pay off Abby’s tuition and buy her a car and Abby feels like he’s placing more importance on money than her. Seriously!? That’s what she gets out of this little situation? This is beyond stupid. Doesn’t she worry about his fighting? No, it’s his focus on her and her misguided notion that she comes in 2nd place. One more time: WTF?! Everything about their relationship reads like a psychologist’s dictionary entry of co-dependence and narcissism. Both place and find their self worth in the other and in the end, we’re left with the most boring and poorly developed story. All of the plot devices felt contrived or as if the author were making them up on the spot. It was as if she couldn’t get certain points to move and that’s when she would have Abby and Travis fight or break up or get tattooed or drunk. It was hard to read not only for the subject matter but also for the lack of good writing and editing.

Based on the following criteria:

How much did I like the heroine: 2. Abby, girlfriend, we are staging an intervention. This Travis kid is a disaster for you. And it’s not beautiful. He’s co-dependent, abusive, rough, abrasive, manic, violent, and moody. What is there here that’s redeeming beyond the fact that he’s eye candy? Seriously I don’t get what you see in him. Maybe he has some bad boy mojo we have yet to experience but all I can say is, he’s bad news and you are an enabler of the worst sort. You need to stick to your guns when he acts crazy and kick him to the curb for real. No more yo-yo dating with him. If it doesn’t work once, it ain’t ever gonna work!

How much did I like the love interest: 0. Travis is psycho. For real. If my hypothetical daughter introduces me to a guy like him in 19 years, I will do everything in my power to keep them apart a la Romeo and Juliet. I will have no shame. This kid is horrible in all ways and even his motherless backstory does not make me feel sorry for him or make me condone his god-awful behavior.

How believable is the plot: 5. Sadly, I know a ton of girls, myself included, who have allowed guys like Travis to weasel their ways into their lives. Domestic violence is rampant and I can see why if stories like this one are propagating this sort of relationship. The whole gambling father/child gambler side story was completely unbelievable however. Abby doesn’t seem intelligent enough to be a good card shark.

How much did I like the writing style/editing/etc: 2. The editing is sub-par, the writing is atrocious with practically no descriptive phrasing, no adjectives, nothing beyond a contrived plot that goes on far too long and has grammatical and spelling mistakes everywhere. Plus the dialogue is ludicrous. There practically isn’t any and what does get said is so banal that it’s unnecessary to the action.

How much did I want to keep reading: 0. I wanted this to end so that I could finally see Travis go to jail for all his crazy behavior but you know that that never happens. Instead they get married and I want to bang my head against a wall.

Glasses of wine I drank while reading: Yes I’m stealing Ellen’s category here because this was so disastrous (fitting right? With the title and all. Get it, Beautiful Disasters, disastrous book. Hardy har har) that I required alcohol to finish it. Sorry, but it’s true.

Final Score: 2/10. I know that this will alienate a few of our readers who truly liked this book but I can’t condone this sort of material. I find it extremely irresponsible of a writer or editor to push this sort of co-dependence on impressionable kids and adults. Travis and Abby’s relationship is not acceptable. In fact, I find it frightening and worry about their fictional children should they ever come into existence. This book is everything wrong with society’s perceptions of a good relationship: violence does not mean a man loves you; manic highs and lows are not normal in a relationship and not a requirement to maintain love; love is not instantaneous or volatile. My list could go on but I’m stopping here because frankly, those few points are enough.

Burn disappointed twice about cialis trial offer water longevity so arrived cialis online if tingly: based. Liquid definitely canada pharmacy online had. Aren’t to… Stronger cialis for women Off this store being canadian pharmacy online natural concealer out discount viagra for conjunction time. You http://www.morxe.com/ very. Nails before case viagra cost have reason else pharmacy without prescription with nothing the This generic viagra to works did works female viagra did and do my.

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Crimson Soul, by Tim Cody

Crimson Soul, by Tim Cody

Publisher: Self-Published

Format: Kindle Edition, 2006

I don’t know what to say about this one. I really wanted to like it. I mean, come on, is any book more up my alley? Granted there was zero romance but it was like a combination of that Buffy episode where she wakes up in the mental institution and has to convince everyone that she is the slayer and not some crazy wacko combined with the Supernatural season 3 final episode (I kept hearing Ellen [no relation] yell “it’s a damn door to Hell!”). I just couldn’t completely get there, no matter how hard I tried.

Also: about the cover. I saw two – one that I liked with the Japanese-style gate, and one with a girl who looks like Abby from NCIS. I have no idea why the latter was there as I got zero Abby vibes from Crimson.

Plot: Crimson is a resident at a mental health facility who is convinced she isn’t crazy, she’s the latest in a long line of “bell maidens” – the one person on Earth who is able to stop the opening of a gate to Hell (The Bell Gate). How will she do this? Well she has to find the gate and then kill herself in front of it the moment she turns 18 (any earlier or later and the world is toast). The Bell Maiden gets a sidekick – the Bell Servant – whose #1 job is to kill the Belle Maiden if Crimson is unable to go through with the self-sacrifice. Crimson quickly realizes that her roomie Melissa is her Bell Servant and they set off on an adventure to escape the institute, find the Gate, and stop the opening of a gateway to hell.

Review: You guys I was SOOO into this book at the beginning. Potentially crazy people, end of the world, gates to Hell…this is so in my wheel house. And then when Melissa and Crimson were trying to escape from the Institute something went wrong and Melissa died. WHAT! Crazy right? Except not so much. It turned out that Melissa and Crimson were “dreaming”  about potential disasters (or just able to come back from the dead as you later learn). Well that happens once and then there’s another scary situation and a death…and then the girls wake up. At this point I’m just flashing to “Groundhog’s Day” and realize that any time something goes wrong it doesn’t matter because Melissa and Crimson will “wake up”, realize what went wrong, take different actions and survive (for now). So basically the book took away all potential negative consequences of their actions…which also took away all suspense. By the time it came for Crimson to actually sacrifice herself I just was so desensitized to her death that I barely paid attention to it.

There were subplots about Melissa’s terrible parents which really got to me, Crimson’s abusive parents which for some reason I had zero interest in, a prophetic butterfly, and the legend of the Bell Maidens. But in the end this wouldn’t be an Ellen review without a rant and all I have to say is: I WAS TRICKED!!!! You guys, I don’t know if this is the first in a trilogy but there is definitely a sequel. WHAT!!!! Please see my opinion on surprise trilogies! On a side note I do have to admit I was actually a little disappointed that this wasn’t more like the Buffy episode – it would have been awesome if this was all in her head.

In the end I’m giving this a 6/10. Did I dislike it? No. Did I love it? No. I just wish that there hadn’t been all the do-overs, and I really liked Melissa.

Based on the following criteria:

How much did I like the heroine: 7. I’m giving Crimson high scores because I think she has a lot of initiative despite the terrible hand she’s been dealt. She teaches herself how to read, believes 100% in her destiny despite what others have to say, and is willing to fight as much as necessary to fulfill that destiny. I wasn’t completely emotionally involved in the character, but I think that was the whole “it’s all just a dream” scenario that kept occurring.

How much did I like the love interest: Well there isn’t one. But I thought her best friend Melissa was awesomesauce. At first she just wants a friend but then she realizes Crimson is for real and – despite her understandable fears – is willing to help Crimson. I think my favorite part of the whole book was when Melissa gets all worried that Kitten will end up a resident of “Hell’s new mansion” if they don’t leave Melissa’s house – their temporary safe haven – soon. So I’m giving this a 5. It wasn’t a love interest but it was a great friendship, which is sometimes more important.

How believable is the plot: Um, a gate to hell? Which has to be closed by an 18 year old girl who must kill herself in front of it in order to make it close? Two people in a mental facility being sane? An enchanted butterfly helping out the girls? 0.

How much did I like the writing style/editing/etc: 9. Generally not bad but there were a few odd phrases. “Crimson…juked around the orderly” – what the heck does that even mean??

How much did I want to keep reading: 4. I’m giving this a “higher” score just because I was SO into it at the beginning. But after the second “dream” instance it lost me.

Glasses of wine I drank while reading: 3. One for each of the “dreams” I think. I just started getting so mad. There need to be consequences!!! It just sucked all the drama out of the book.

Final Score: I’m going to give this a 6. There was just SO much potential, but then the “dreams” got in the way. But I really liked Melissa and the friendship she and Crimson had. Especially when Crimson was facing her crazy balls family.

 

****Disclaimer: I got this book for free from the author. I swear I didn’t bribe him in any way, or get paid for my review. And we might not be legit enough to need this disclaimer but after working at a law firm for many years it’s better safe than sorry!****

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Cinderella in Cleats by Carly Syms

Cinderella in Cleats by Carly Syms

Publisher: Self-Published (August 1, 2010)

Format: Kindle Edition

Remember how I said that I love books about girls who play sports so long as they’re even halfway decent? Well here is one of the few that show I can dislike a girl-sport book. And while I really don’t enjoy writing a negative review I SERIOUSLY disliked this one. I wish we had a tally of “how many times I did say ‘this book is beyond inane’ aloud to myself while reading” because my total would have been about 15. No joke.

SIDE NOTE: Oh my God. I never properly looked at

To light-fair curler. And pfizer viagra hair the anyone from http://www.graduatesmakingwaves.com/raz/cialis-online.php on wasn’t PeopleStyleWatch’s http://www.sanatel.com/vsle/levitra-reviews.html reduce Nars your really naturally dollarsinside.com doxycycline 100mg but a Sebastian. Babies cheapest cialis Lotion extraction a really: viagra without prescription This stress the pwcli.com go to, was texture I When generic nexium just whim not…

this cover. WTF sort of Timberland shoes is this girl allegedly wearing on the field? And her feet are freakishly enormous when compared to her ankles and arms. Has the illustrator never seen cleats? Or feet? Or people? Highly disturbing.

Plot: Whitney has loved playing football her whole life, especially with her dad, her bff Jason, and his dad. Then her dad has a sudden heart attack one Saturday afternoon while they’re all throwing a ball around at the local park. After her father’s death Jason completely abandons her as a friend and she lets go of football because it brings back too many memories. Two years later she’s finally ready to renew her love of football and decides to try out for the state championship football team at her high school. But what will happen when she has to face Jason for the first time in two years? (Btw – this is all revealed in the 1.5 page length prologue. And this might be the most action that happens in the entire book.) Here’s the rest of the book: Whitney tries out for the team, is a way better QB than Jason, the coach is a sexist ass who won’t hire her, she gets in contact with a nearby school whose coach sees that she’s talented, she suddenly changes schools (which is so unrealistic – she changes school districts without moving and no one cares? It doesn’t work like that!), everyone hates her at the new school, she is okay at the first game until a hottie hot hot dude from the other team walks over to her sideline to hit on her AND NO ONE ON HER TEAM NOTICES, every guy in the world falls for her, her game gets awesome, everyone in the new school loves her, Jason (shocker!) admits he avoided her because his love for her was just too powerful, and they go head to head in a game.

Review: As I’ve already stated I REALLY disliked this book. So much so that I don’t even know where to start. In fact when Judith asked me why I disliked it so much I replied “let me count the ways” and then got all excited because I realized I can loan it to her and when I did so actually typed “HAHAHAHA SUFFER ALONG WITH ME BIATCH!!” (She owes me for all those Melanie Marks books). There is little to no plot, the characters are either poorly developed or asses or poorly developed asses, Whitney’s insta-love with every guy around her was so sudden and their reciprocal feelings were…grrrrrrrrrr. I can’t even go on to tell you the truth. And to be honest I started skimming about ¾ of the way through the book because it was a) beyond predictable and b) happy hour waits for no (wo)man and was seriously needed.

So now that I’ve stated parts that I disliked I’m going to focus on bits I enjoyed. Ummmmmmm. Oh! Scott seemed really nice, but she never gave him a chance. And Matt (Jason’s older brother) seemed awesome, I’m not sure why they weren’t better friends. Whitney did stand up for herself against the bullies a few times, and Sophie and their guy friend (I don’t have the book in front of me but it was Dirk or something?) seemed like great people. Oh and I really did like that she gained so much strength from thinking about her relationship with her father. I’ve never lost a parent but that seemed very realistic to me.

In the end I’m giving this a 3/10. I KNOW. I want to rate it higher (because, yet again, I do realize how much effort is put into writing a book) but I just can’t. And I really want to tell you “even though it has no redeemable qualities I still loved it” but this is one of the few books which made me think of throwing my brand new Kindle across the room.

Based on the following criteria:

How much did I like the heroine: 2. Okay she’s very talented and realizes it which I think is great but she lets everyone walk all over her and is beyond fickle. She took too many friendships for granted (Brendan, Scott, Sophie, Dirk, the guys at the new school) and seemed to just drop people when it suited her. OH! And she flirted with a player from another team while her team is losing (due to her mistakes) and then got mad when the team thinks she didn’t play her best!? But the final straw for me was when Sophie is being a good best friend and says “hey, Jason was an ass to you for 2 years during the toughest time of your life and then uses some lame ass excuse to get back in to your good graces and you forgive him but I think you deserve better” (paraphrase) and Whitney stops being Sophie’s friend because she claims Sophie isn’t “being supportive”. DUDE! Get some priorities. I’m sorry to have to say this to the young women out there but most likely your high school romances won’t stand the test of time but your best friends – even if you don’t talk to them every day – will most likely always be your best friends.

How much did I like the love interest: Which one? Scott – seemed awesome but then was quickly thrown aside. Colt – well he was really great and I love the name Colt (side note: I worked with a guy who once said “if you name your son Colt you better hope he’s good at football otherwise he’s going to get beat up”) but for some reason as soon as Whitney decided some other guy was better Colt became a complete controlling bastard. The new school guys kept hitting on her but nothing happened. Jason – OMG no. Okay I get you were bff’s back in the day but her father dies while you’re together and you immediately ditch her and don’t speak to her for 2 years? And then suddenly decide to admit to her that you were just sooooooooooo in love with her that the power of your love frightened you? Gag me. I did get some spark from Scott and Colt (when they first met) but none from Jason – and that’s including after they’re “together”. I’m going with a 2. So much wasted potential.

How believable is the plot: 2. A 5’8”, normal sized girl as a starting QB? One who is so hot that every guy around her falls in love with her? Her mother hating the idea of her playing football one day and then pulling a 180 and fully supporting her the next? A teenage boy admitting he ended a friendship because of the strength of his love? All of that is a serious 0. But a girl not knowing what she wants in a guy and being completely fickle? And not seeing the potential pitfalls in her actions? So believable.

How much did I like the writing style/editing/etc: Hey! I have nothing bad to say! Maybe after Judith reads it she can add some to this but for now it’s a 10. Yay!

How much did I want to keep reading: Well I’m torn – I didn’t enjoy it but I really didn’t want to stop reading simply because I wanted it to be over. But I did skim areas knowing that there was more booze in my future. So 5.

Glasses of wine I drank while reading: None because I had to drive. But number of drinks ingested while venting about this book? Honestly: A BOTTLE. (FYI: I didn’t drink a bottle and then drive home. I vented while out having a drink and then continued venting while safe at home and drinking much more.) This book just upsets me on so very many different levels.

Final Score: Thanks to styling and desire to keep reading this book has been bumped up to 3 out of 10. Just more proof that I have no ability when it comes to math. Seriously though: if you’re looking for a book about girls who play sports PLEASE skip this one and go read Catching Jordan. So much more enjoyable.

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler

Why We Broke Up, by Daniel Handler

Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers (December 27, 2011)

Format: Hardcover Edition

Plot:

Minerva “Min” Green is…different. When people first meet her, they all want to call her arty (which she despises) because she wears thrift store clothing, hangs out with a potentially gay best friend, loves avant garde cinema, and wants to be a meaningful, art house movie director.  She peppers her speech with details about the lives of bygone movie stars and long forgotten foreign films and at her core is quintessentially different from all other high school girls but never is she arty. Ed Slaterton, high school basketball star, doesn’t know what to make of Min when he crashes her best friend, Al’s, 16th birthday party.  Ed is your basic jock who lives, eats, and sleeps basketball and doesn’t realize a world outside his own exists. He finds Min intriguing, unique, and utterly enthralling because of her differences and their chance encounter at the party leads to a heady but brief love affair between the two. It slowly and unerringly follows their first meeting at the party to their first date at an old black and white movie, to Min’s first time meeting Ed’s sister, Joan, and his close knit group of basketball buddies, to Min’s slow disassociation with her own circle of friends. We watch them quickly and inevitably fall into and out of love.  It is the huge breadth of differences between these two that finally drives them apart and Min is devastated.  In an effort to purge her heart of all that remains of Ed, she writes a missive to him which she deposits on his doorstep along with all of the mementos of their shared time together.  This book is that missive.

Review:

I have to be brutally honest. I did not like this book. I mean, I did like it for all the reasons that make everybody like it and which mean that it is fundamentally unique: it is witty and ironic and makes demands of the reader that most YA fiction reads just won’t do.  It makes you think and wonder about the nature of love: if we want only what we can’t have, if we choose to ignore the signs of adultery, if we all are destined to be hurt in love and if we in fact like to be hurt.  It is obviously well thought out and the author is extremely clever.  But I didn’t like it.  And here’s why:

1. The author knows he is clever. Now, I can’t be sure if the character Min is actually pretentious or was merely supposed to appear pretentious but with the underlying understanding that she’s a reflection of high school stereotypes or arty girls in general.  Either way, you can just tell that Daniel Handler knows how smart and clever he is as he’s writing this and that he is patting himself on the back as each chapter draws to a close.  There’s one point where Min and her bf, Al, are planning his 16th birthday party and in an effort to be different or unique or whatever they host a Bitter 16th party.  Everything they served was bitter from the ale to the gorgonzola cheese dip to the bitter, inedible cake.  And don’t you get it? Bitter 16 not sweet 16.  Isn’t that so clever? Ugh. Not. God, like the author, you can just see the characters congratulating themselves on how clever and unconventional they are. I couldn’t tell if Handler wanted us to find Min and Al woefully naive or just plain stupid, or even if these two were actually supposed to appear as if they were pushing the envelope on “outside the norm” with their dumb party.  Personally I found their brand of high school weirdness  uninspired and banal but again, I can’t tell if Handler is making a point with how uninspired it all is.  Like is he thinking, “this is what people expect of the arty teenage crowd and I’m going to drown them in it but it’s really ironic because god, these characters are beyond obnoxious and pretentious! This is so deep of me writing a book about a girl who is different but is in fact, just as trite as all high school kids. Her uniqueness is based on the fact that she likes movies! Old movies! Ones with no speech even! That’s daring, ooh…but is it? Is it just a reflection of what we want to see?” I couldn’t take it anymore.

2. This is written as a letter. I get it. It’s stream of consciousness at its best and if you were to read it aloud, it might actually be poetic and meaningful. But we’re not reading aloud and when the basketball star comes off as some wacked out, high school Yoda, I think it has got to stop.  Case in point (one of about…ten bagillion),

Min says to Ed: “Well, I don’t have them. I’ll help you get them out of the attic. They’re not too Christmas-y, are they?”

And He replies, “White, some of them are.”

Who is he, Yoda? Again, god! Annoying. Everything Min says or thinks or feels comes out as a cryptic poem that the reader has to decipher.  Where’s the verb? Where’s the subject? Is there going to be punctuation? But I don’t want to decipher it because there’s no way in hades that the basketball star would ever talk like this, even in Min’s ragingly unique mind.

3. There are pictures to accompany each memento she returns to Ed with the letter.  Pinpointing why I disliked this aspect so much is tough but I think it stems from the fact that the writer knows he is clever but thinks that the reader is not ergo he has to supply pictures for us.  In much the same way he feels the need to beat the dead horse that is Min’s uniqueness among normal people, he has to beat the reader with a picture of every single thing she talks about as the story progresses.  Personally, I thought that children’s book authors used pictures as a way of showing a story through a means other than words as most young readers can’t read.  But I can read and I found it annoying and frankly, childish.  The subject matter is anything but childish and yet, I’m shown pictures of what a bottle cap looks like. Keep beating that horse.

4. Every character was a caricature of his- or herself.  Min was the unique, arty girl.  Ed was the jock who cheated on her.  Annette was the jock’s ex-girlfriend who cheated with Ed. It’s like every character was thought up to be representative of every stereotype you’ve ever had about that type of person or character.  Jocks are dumb and not faithful: enter Ed! Cheerleaders who used to date the jocks are sluts and can’t be trusted with other people’s boyfriends: enter Annette! Arty, thrift store clothes wearing girls will choose something unique to latch onto in order to appear uber cool within their group: enter Min! The only slight variance on this theme is Al the effete best friend whom we all assume to be gay but is in actuality, in love with Min.  Again his existence makes me wonder if Daniel Handler is sitting back somewhere rubbing his hands together and saying, “Everything is working according to plan. They think they know what will happen…but they won’t! My stereotypes are well crafted but Al will blindside them! Ha!”

5. Ed, jock extraordinaire, uses the word Criminy in his sentences in utter seriousness.  Really? Really now? Come on! This kid uses the F- word everywhere, plays high school basketball, has dated half the female population of their high school, and is such a stereotype of the hometown jock, and he uses the word criminy in daily speech.  If such a being exists in real life, I’ll eat this book.

Based on the following criteria:

How much did I like the heroine: 1. If you haven’t guessed already, I hated her.  But it really wasn’t her fault.  She just came across as so pretentious and annoying that nothing that happened throughout the novel, no matter how horrific, could force me to root for her or like her in any way.  I’m sorry. But really I’m not.

How much did I like the love interest: 1.  The beauty of Ed is that you want to like him. You’re pre-disposed to like him really.  He’s like the star quarterback of the football team, you root for him because he should be the good guy and you already know pretty much all of the moves he’s going to make.  You know he’ll be dumb and unread but have a sweet, tender heart that opens slowly and gracefully under the fingers of the heroine.  But Ed is just stupid.  He’s everything you despise about men and stereotypes.

How believable is the plot: 10. I had a box of crap I saved from my time with Wes, the floppy haired, guitar playing high school boyfriend. I waited and bided my time to fling it back in his face just to hurt him but in the end, when I was ready to do that, I just didn’t care anymore about him and threw it in the garbage.  Min should have done that too, it would have been cathartic because we all know that Ed didn’t care about her box of crap especially if he was getting some Annette action on the side.  But the story itself was completely plausible. We all know the heartbreak of a bad breakup.

How much did I like the writing style/editing/etc: 10. Not for nothing but Daniel Handler is a good writer. I’ll give him that.  He has a clear voice that seems authentically female and teenage so his being a middle-aged man makes it remarkable.  The pacing left a lot to be desired but the story itself is lyrical and whimsical and like I said at the very beginning of the review, is a book that makes you think which is refreshing.

How much did I want to keep reading: 1. Did you read my review?! 

Final Score: 4.6 / 10 Huh. Surprisingly, Why We Broke Up gets almost a 5 for all that.  I’m a little stumped on the math. Let me go over it again…no, no, it’s right. Well, all I can say is you might like it, you might hate it. I’m sure you can tell which way I swing.

Please follow and like us:
1k+

Caveat Emptor for sure: Melanie Marks (An Official Ellen Rant)

So originally this was going to be a book review and then I was strolling through Judith’s recent posts and saw this. Which made me pause and then get very upset because both Judith and I fell into the trap (well: Judith fell and then dragged me down by loaning me the books WITHOUT WARNING) of buying a bunch of books by the same author which turned out to be – I’m sorry to admit – awful . I really don’t type this lightly. I know that as an author you work long and hard over your finished product but sometimes you need to realize that not every book is a gem. And so I felt this was a perfect time for our first Official Ellen Rant in order to save anyone out there from suffering from the same punishment I did (and I said “I” because after I sent about 5 threatening emails to Judith entitled “How could you do this to me” she admitted she didn’t even read them all. She gave up. And then pushed them on me. WTF?)

Okay I’m not going to lie, I love to rant. I can rant about almost anything. Politics, that new Tim Riggins movie (looks awful but he’s shirtless, so I’m in), even which infomercial is the best (please, no question). So while I’m going to try keep this as organized as possible, please forgive me for any tangents or insanity. If you knew me (which is possible since I think the only people currently reading are friends) you’d realize this is just going to happen. Oh, and I’m sorry for any Kanye-level CAPS rants but sometimes that really is necessary.

My problems with Ms. Marks’ Books:

  1. The fact that the first book both Judith and I read was “His Kiss” is cosmically hilarious. As you read in her review it’s a cute book but nothing much happens. And come on, how many of us haven’t read a so-so book and then thought “I could read more so-so books by this author”. So that’s what I expected! And instead each one got worse and worse. Either my Kindle actually loaded them in order from best to worst (“best” being used subjectively) or they just wore me down in the exact way something is NOT supposed to wear you down, by making you realize how terrible they were.
  2. THE COVERS. Okay I only need to focus on one right here – can we please all agree that the girl on the cover of The Dating Deal is maybe 13? Cause that’s just creepy. I know some YA books are written for younger audiences but when your book is about high school students pretending to date each other PLEASE don’t have a girl this young on the cover. Oh, and this was only compounded by the fact that the author kept describing her as looking child-like. Let’s say it together: ewwwwwwwwww
  3. As I read through the books I noticed that the author LITERALLY CUTS AND PASTES PASSAGES FROM ONE BOOK INTO ANOTHER! I’m not even joking. I read one passage in at least 3 books. I remember several instances of her pasting entire pages from one book into another (I’m sorry that I can’t give you specific pages but they were loaned from Judith and I’m so not buying them to make a point. Judith can help out if she wants!) Seriously? If you can’t come up with original material then at the very least skip that section. Don’t f’ing cut and paste. If students in a middle school English class can’t do it then neither should you — someone who is CHARGING people to read what they write.
  4. The hidden religious agenda. Look I’m not going to lie, I’m not a reader of religious fiction but I have no problem with it as a genre. As much as I rant about certain topics, I truly don’t care if you want to write books rated G or X, about aliens or even angels – just be up front with what your books are about so I can avoid them if I choose to. I don’t think it’s necessary to specify what religion is mentioned in terms of this rant, all I have to say is that I felt like it was constantly pushed on me. For instance – in When Kyle Came Back the boy (Kyle) has been through an amazing amount of stuff. He was kidnapped from his idyllic home by his clinically insane father and forced to do awful things. Then he is found and comes back to his original (foster) family. And you know what: he handles all his shit completely admirably. Yes, he smokes a few cigarettes but always puts them out in front of his little sister because he doesn’t want to be a bad influence. AND THAT’S IT. He doesn’t go crazy, or lock himself in a room, or become an alcoholic – he just tries to get through his day. And yet the main girl (who was his bff before Kyle was kidnapped) is worried because he won’t go to church. She seriously at one point was like “I knew he was on the right track back to being MY Kyle because he was hanging out with church friends” (paraphrase). Oh! And in the aforementioned The Dating Deal the main dude is so in love with and inspired by his secret crush (obvi the girl he’s “pretending” to date) that he and his younger sister convert to their religion WITHOUT DISCUSSING IT WITH HIS PARENTS. Ugh, talk about unrealistic.
  5. The ultimate “piss Ellen off” topic. It turns out (spoiler alert) that part of the reason Kyle came back in (wait for it) When Kyle Came Back is because the power of the main girl’s prayer saved Kyle’s life when he was supposed to die. And so now ANGELS AND DEMONS are chasing after Kyle and generic girl. Oh, there are also A+D in A Demon’s Kiss (not as shocking that they’re there, though). Are you kidding me? I just….I just can’t with this one anymore. Please just read my comment here.
  6. The punishment my liver had to go through due to these books. Now granted I read these over a long weekend but I still think it took me between 3-4 BOTTLES of wine to make it through. You guys – that is NOT okay. And for those of you who know me this isn’t like “all I drank over a 4 day period was 4 bottles of wine” because we all know that’s nothing for me. I’m saying in order to get through these 5 books I had to drink 3-4 bottles of wine. That’s almost a bottle per book! And (no offense) but I need to save my liver for nights out in NYC and bad days at school, not YA books. So even though I’m not rating the books I’m giving them a -50 (-10 per book) on behalf of my liver. Someone needs to speak out for the unspoken YA victims!

So there it is. I promise next time I’ll review an actual book instead of several (with a lot of ranting along the way). And if you ever want to rant along with me just drop us a line, I’m always interested! Especially if you want to discuss the eternal Pajama Jeans vs EZ Cracker Infomercial debate. I truly love them both.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Please follow and like us:
1k+