Glamour Thieves Release Guest Post: One-Handed Writing by Don Allmon


The idea for my debut novel started that time when I tripped over my dog’s leash and fell and broke the scaphoid bone in my right hand which made it hard to write and hard to do other things arguably more important than writing so I sat around daydreaming about sex a lot and made up this story about an orc trucker who picks up an elf hitchhiker while driving through post-apocalyptic America and they had a lot of really rough sex like you’d imagine an orc trucker would have.

What? Tell me you don’t tell yourself comfort-stories at night when you’re lying in bed and can’t sleep.

And this other time I was whining about being out of ideas, and a friend of mine asked me what I wanted to read but couldn’t because no one was writing it. (That’s good advice there, btw.)

I said, “I want to read ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ except Marion is a guy named Michael and everything else is the same.”

I thought about it some more and said, “And I want to read ‘Supernatural’ except that part at the end of each episode where they sit on the car and drink beer and get weepy? Instead of that, they get drunk and fuck. On the car. Every episode. Oh and they ain’t brothers because that would be weird, but everything else is the same.”

“So write that,” she said.

“No, that would be silly.”

So nighttimes I told myself the trucker/hitchhiker story because I’m an insomniac and I had to wear that cast for six weeks and that made it worse. I’d embellish it up each time to keep it fresh, adding bits here and there, and I started wondering what that elf was doing hitchhiking in the middle of a desert. I decided he was on the run from the mob because he was a grifter and he’d conned the wrong guy. No, “mob” was too Don Corleone and kids these days don’t even know. So ninjas. Ninjas chased him out of town, but he didn’t have a car, so: hitchhiking.

Daytimes I wondered if not-Sam and not-Dean weren’t going to be brothers, then what were they? Old friends with benefits. And if they weren’t brothers who’s the dead mom? Some manic pixie dream girl who brings them both together then dies (except she can’t be manic or pixie or a dream). And they can’t be monster hunters because that’s everyone these days. And they can’t be private investigators because that’s everyone else. So what are they? Dean was always forging the worst IDs, so….

Failed grifters. Thieves.

Like that elf on the run looking for an orc with a car.

Didn’t take long for that orc trucker to become a retired car thief, that truck to become a Corvette, and that manic pixie dream girl to become the leader of their gang (still dead though). And yeah it was silly but no more silly than Nazis trying to recover the Ark of the Covenant or two monster hunters with an adorable angelic sidekick. And my hand was freaking broken so I couldn’t write anything “serious” anyway, so if I wasted six weeks on this, that was okay. (Yes, there are lessons there.)

So I pecked it out one-handed (left-handed), and six weeks later my hand wasn’t broken anymore, and that story didn’t feel quite so silly anymore. It felt kind of real. Three months later it felt like THE GLAMOUR THIEVES.

And if you choose to read it one-handed, I hope it’s for a good reason and not because you tripped over your dog.

Meet Don Allmon:

In his night job, Don Allmon writes science fiction, fantasy, and romance. In his day job, he’s an IT drone. He holds an MA in English literature from the University of Kansas where he wrote his thesis on medieval werewolf stories. He’s a fan of role-playing and board games. He has lived all over from New York to San Francisco, but currently lives on the prairies of Kansas. His debut novel, THE GLAMOUR THIEVES is the first in a cyberpunk/fantasy/romance trilogy. It is currently available for pre-purchase through your favorite e-tailers and releases on August 28.

About Glamour Thieves:

JT is an orc on the way up. He’s got his own boutique robotics shop, high-end clientele, and deep-pocketed investors. He’s even mentoring an orc teen who reminds him a bit too much of himself back in the day.  

Then Austin shows up, and the elf’s got the same hard body and silver tongue as he did two years ago when they used to be friends and might have been more. He’s also got a stolen car to bribe JT to saying yes to one last scheme: stealing the virtual intelligence called Blue Unicorn.

Soon JT’s up to his tusks in trouble, and it ain’t just zombies and Chinese triads threatening to tear his new life apart. Austin wants a second chance with JT—this time as more than just a friend—and even the Blue Unicorn is trying to play matchmaker. 

Order the book now: Publisher | Amazon


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What We’re Reading Now, July 24th edition – What Erin’s Reading

By now, I’m sure you’ve noticed: 2016 SUCKS.

Don’t worry, we have you covered here at BoB. This week, I’m reading books that will take you far away: an enchanted city under the sea, a world of mechanics and magic, and a secluded Texas ranch…

What’s Erin Reading? 

BeFunky Collage 07.24

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Audio Review: Clockwork Tangerine by Rhys Ford

Tclockworkitle and Author: Clockwork Tangerine by Rhys Ford

Publisher: Dreamspinner Press

Format: Audio

Narrator: Greg Tremblay

Genre: Steampunk

Order Link: AmazonAudible 

Reviewed by: Alisa

What to expect: A short story filled with rich world building and a slow burn romance.

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Romance review: For Real by Alexis Hall

For Real by Alexis HallFor Real by Alexis Hall

Published by: Riptide Books

Format: Kindle ARC

Genre: M/M Romance

Reviewed by: Liz

Score: 9/10

I can’t tell,” says one character to another, “if I’m being seduced or bludgeoned.”

Which is something you will need to know when starting “For Real” – it will do both at the same, and you will love every second of it. Much like with the rest of Alexis Hall’s work, you have to be ready to enter into an exceptionally personal, tight, and vulnerable point of view, where the narrator misses no pertinent detail. The words quickly slither under your skin and into your mind until you are in the scene, with these people, experiencing what they experience, and feeling what they feel.

Ostensibly, this book is billed as a BDSM novel, but what it truly is at its heart, is an unapologetic and stunning romance centered around – and also having nothing to do with – kink. If you go into it expecting carefully worded negotiations around safewords, soft and hard limits, and which toys are allowed to go where, when, and how, you may be a bit disappointed. However, if you are looking for a beautifully realized love story with a stunning backdrop of sexual compatibility that goes beyond the physical, it’s hard to imagine you won’t find it here.

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Quickie review: There Will Be Phlogiston by Alexis Hall

ThereWillBePhlogiston_500x750There Will Be Phlogiston by Alexis Hall

Genre: M/M/F Steampunk Romance

Score: 9/10

Plot: An instructive story in which vice receives its just reward.

Inspired by true and scandalous tales of the Gaslight aristocracy, we present the most moral and improving tale of Lady Rosamond Wolfram.

Weep, reader, for the plight of our heroine as she descends into piteous ruin in the clutches of the notorious Phlogiston Baron, Anstruther Jones. Witness the horrors of feminine rebellion when this headstrong young lady defies her father, breaks an advantageous engagement, and slips into depravity with a social inferior. Before the last page is turned, you will have seen our heroine molested by carnival folk, snubbed at a dance, and drawn into a sinful ménage a trois by an unrepentant sodomite, the wicked and licentious Lord Mercury.

Reader, take heed. No aspect of our unfortunate heroine’s life, adventures, or conduct is at all admirable, desirable, exciting, thrilling, glamorous, or filled with heady passion and gay romance.

Review: A debutante in all things steampunk, I was told again and again to use There Will Be Phlogiston as the pond in which to dip my toes. And now in turn, I implore you, dear readers: read this book! It’s a thrilling romp through a world made up of aristocrats and airmen, school girls and carnival folk.  At its core, two aristocrats learn to come to grips with their innermost desires and in turn, be able to love the low born yet wealthy, Anstruther Jones. Arkady is the effeminate last of his line who can’t allow the rest of the aristocracy to know that he prefers the company of men like Jones; Rosamond is a seventeen year old school girl thrilled to be able to marry yet devastated by what that entails. These three meet and perform an unlikely courtship that is madcap, dizzying, and fantastical as it shifts from gilded ballrooms, the gutter, and a nightmarish circus populated with mechanical animals. The pace is frenetic and over the top; the language is lush and otherworldly. In the end, the message is simple: find love where you will and embrace it. There Will Be Phlogiston is one of the smartest, finely crafted books I have read in ages and it will be sure to tickle your interest for more from Alexis Hall.

You’ll enjoy: phenomenal world building set in a fantasy land called Gaslight; the finely honed and playful language of the author; the various sexy scenes between alternate pairings of the three main characters; the character of Anstruther Jones who reads as the perfect romantic hero for anyone anywhere ever; the fact that this is a side-story in a wider catalog of steampunk stories written by the author meaning that there are many more adventures that await you.

You might not enjoy: steampunk is not for everyone – it’s a weird hodgepodge of fantasy, mechanical invention, and alternate reality without any real explanation of how it came to be; a menage-a-trois story (M/M/F) which some find implausible; the grandiose language; the seemingly quick ending which sneaks up on you out of nowhere!

Final score: 9/10 

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